We all suffer losses at one time or another. The past several months, I have experienced some losses. Some of them came on by decisions I made, some not. If I had those to do all over again, I would do exactly what I did. I believed what I chose was right and I still do. However, my choices have led to the darkness of loneliness, into the shadows of feeling forgotten and forsaken. I had to have God’s help to remove the blinders that I had on. Layer by layer is being revealed. The first decision was a no win, no matter what I chose. The second decision I had to make, no matter what I chose was still left with other decisions to make. Does this sound familiar? The coupling of these have attested to God’s presence in my life, and the beginning of His reveal.
The darkness of loneliness, the shadows of feeling forgotten and forsaken come because I alone got involved into myself. It’s the best reasoning, I can come up with at this point because I have no clue what is going on in the heavens. But I do know what I have seen. At a point of feeling these emotions heavily. An oppurtunity arose for me to get involved outside of my four walls. I felt God tugging at my heart, telling me “You have proclaimed this and that, it’s time for you to put yourself to action and do it!!” So do it I did. This one act of obedience led to what I was not looking for that I received I was given a chance to the gifts and talents God has given to me to show me some profound truths!! Are you ready for this??? You need involvement, you need community! This particular day led to a few convesations that God reveal to me, that turned a simple “Yes” into many opportunities to serve. He spoke to my heart and revealed….You are exactly where you are suppose to be for a reason!!!! No one is going to knock down your door or even knock at your door… You have to get out there to where they are!!! That day of involvement, revealed the presence of loneliness, the feelings of abandonment though I expressed it, I don’t believe it was truly grasped. But that really is okay because it was a revelation that I needed to grasp! You see His plans to provide us a hope and a future, requires us to get outside of ourselves and follow where He leads us.
“For I know the plans I have for you, ”declares the Lord,“ plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 NIV”
In these decisions, there came a loss in income. In the first few months, He provided most of the several hundreds lost each month. At the time, I knew that what I was receiving was temporal, a taste of what could be done on a regular basis once I get established. However getting established is like trying to get the unsaved to realize they need God and to be in a constant growing relationship with Him. Though I battle with my emotions daily, I got to a point where I was feeling defeated by my efforts but when I finally stopped and reflected, I stood in awe of God. Even though I am not receiving that temporal income anymore, I can see where God has been providing. Like most, the wish list for Christmas, by your loved ones, was long and at regular price, was not going to happen! What I saw was with the major discounts and deals going on this year, it allowed us to give and spend less than we had in years past. I’m talking like everywhere I turned to spend, God provided not just savings, I’m talking HUGE savings of like 90% off kind. This did not just happen with “I wish” items, it was also on daily needs items!! Blindly and honestly, I did not see it at first. Yup, that’s correct. I was more like, I got in the car and was high fiving myself and doing a little happy dance the best I could in the confides of my seat. It truly was not seen until I took my eyes off of me and turned them back to God, when I was able to see what He had been providing.
The loss of income was inevitable, no matter what I chose. The means to makeup the difference, really and truly rest in the hands of God. Even though I have been getting back to saturating it all in prayer, I know that I am where God has allowed me to be so that I can shine relentlessly for Him.